The Need for Speed
Many view time not spent pursuing serious objectives as unproductive or a lost opportunity. In some way, we believe we are unworthy of relaxation or simple diversion.
Last year, Cathy and I traveled to Italy with six close friends. One afternoon, we were idly passing the time at a café in a picturesque seaside village in Sardinia. I began lobbying for an early, convenient dinner option, but my companions were content to sit, sip wine, watch the waves crash onto the beach, and engage in small talk. After nearly another unbearable hour, we returned to our accommodations, planning to dine at a restaurant 45 minutes away.
It was more than I could bear, and I announced I would not join them. I had to find a way to rescue the day by cramming in goal-oriented activities before bedtime. As they departed, they passed me doing burpees on the front lawn. Afterward, I worked on a blog post and, at 9 pm, joined a self-help group Zoom call. Interestingly, the group expressed more concern for my sanity over missing dinner than admiration for my diligence.
When I looked at the dinner pictures with their smiling faces, raised glasses, and sumptuous plates of pasta topped with shellfish, I did not detect any envy in their eyes over my accomplishments or the calories I saved by gnawing on a crust of bread instead of indulging in revelry and gluttony.
The persistent desire to engage in meaningful activities, as defined by what I can record on my Excel goal measurement record, ruined an opportunity for enjoyment. By trying too hard to make the most of my life, I missed part of it. My dinnertime accomplishments do not compensate for the loss.
Gratification Delayed
We justify sacrificing the present in exchange for a hoped-for future benefit. We regard today’s activity as a stepping stone and believe its value lies in what it will bring us in the future.
Of course, we are not guaranteed any future. You may know the parable of the rich fool. After a bumper crop, he busied himself storing enough grain to last for years. The omnipotent One admonished him, “You fool! This very night, your life will be demanded from you.”
Delaying gratification is responsible, but it can sacrifice too much of the present. Conservatism today will make paying for college tuition easier or retirement more comfortable, but it could also keep us in the office too long or lead us to choose hamburgers over steaks too often. Overemphasizing the present or future is similar to the extreme positions of our political parties; both have some merit, but are taken too far.
The older generation often complains that the younger generation imprudently takes more vacations and saves less money than they did. They say the youngsters want immediate gratification, do not give the future enough thought, and should warehouse those shekels for the appropriate day years from now, when they should (i.e., deserve to) enjoy them.
Fortunately, our choice concerning prioritization is not binary, but that also makes the answer more elusive, as it lies in art, rather than science. Ironically, the answer to this dilemma may be found by contemplating the future. Will our future selves appreciate our forbearance and thank us for working harder and saving more? Or, will they pity us for not enjoying the journey as much as we could have?
The best guidance may come from the oldest generation, those closest to their expiration date, who never say they wish they had spent more time at the office. Instead, they lament delaying too much for the future and not spending more time with family or on vacations.
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Sorry to delay gratification, but we cannot finish this discussion today.
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