Better Left Undone?
We fancy ourselves facing the world like a swashbuckler standing on the ship’s bow with our saber upraised, captaining our ship to a faraway land. In reality, the fear of failure often confines us to our safe harbor, and we never test the waters.
How do we move forward when we stand on the precipice before a great but uncertain undertaking? We need some belief that we can do it, an understanding that the consequences of failure are rarely as dire as we imagine, and a measure of courage.
Belief
Everything you have ever done required you to take action when unsure, whether it be your first step, first day of school, first kiss, first sales call, first home purchase, first child, etc. Knowing you have acted many times in the face of uncertainty can give you a belief, even if tenuous, in your ability to accomplish the next thing.
You were deathly afraid after the training wheels came off and your mom, who could run no further, announced she was letting go of your bicycle seat. Within a week, your wheelies and launches off of ramshackle ramps frightened your mom.
Recall your anxiety when disrobing in front of your first intimate partner. [In the days before the internet] No matter how many naughty VHS tapes you had viewed, Penthouse letters you had read, or how much advice you received from equally inexperienced friends, you did not know what you were in for, but you were undeterred. Was it arrogance that gave you the confidence to unfasten those buttons or raging hormones that provided courage?
Favorable experiences, even if unrelated, provide a reason to believe in future success, but confidence does not guarantee success. No matter how many times you have done it, some fear and the possibility of falling off the bike or bed persists. You cannot eradicate this fear; you must accept it and use confidence to subdue it.
Dreadful Consequences?
We unjustifiably “horribilize” potential outcomes.
When your girlfriend broke up with you, you were heartbroken but not consigned to lifelong membership in the lonely-hearts club (yesteryear’s “incel”). When you could not recall the name of a critical business colleague, your heart skipped a beat, and you felt embarrassed, but you did not lose your pulse or the deal.
Last week’s post exposed failure’s diminished power and revealed its virtue.
At Some Point…
Pep talks, visualization, and girding of the lions can only take you so far. There comes a point when only action can move you through fear, and acting in the face of fear requires courage.
Sometimes, necessity breeds courage. Firefighters running into burning buildings and soldiers crawling out of foxholes are not fearless but act despite fear. Other times, courage comes from knowing the effort is worth the cost of failure. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
We should fear the opportunity cost of inaction. Imagine what you would have missed if you had not unfastened those buttons. Remaining in your illusory comfort zone when capable of more eventually leads to significant discomfort (remorse).
Caveat
A burn-the-boats attitude is fine for the 21-year-old who quits her barista job to become an OnlyFans exhibitionist, but it is perilous for a 50-year-old with a mortgage and private school tuition bills. Fear can properly tailor our actions.
Worried that he might never sell a painting, a middle-aged amateur enrolled in art school, painted on weekends, and began marketing his art while reducing the hours he spent at his day job. Ten years later, art lovers throughout the country are collecting his creations, and his day job is now a side hustle.
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Previous accomplishments lessen fear’s power, but action is the battering ram needed to break through the invisible barrier of fear surrounding our comfort zone. Where do you need to breach the wall?
