This may be another frustrating post for some because I forgo expressions of indignation in favor of education. Judging by the media coverage, we use outrage to advance our political or social agendas rather than to advance safety, healing, and justice for our children.
Any casual reader of 52 Steps Forward knows I frequently (just last week) mention child safety. I do not have a personal abuse story to share, but empathy motivates me to devote the majority of my financial philanthropy to an organization that protects and provides healing services to abused children.
In the interest of promoting the cause, I am devoting this message to our children. The current obsession with the wealthy, well-connected, infamous deceased pedophile and his brethren is extremely disproportionate, given the most likely predator our children might encounter. Fortunately, the current environment generates a more receptive and attentive audience for this message.
The Boogeyman
Two encounters a few years ago highlighted a common misconception about abusers. My wife and I were in the checkout line when I said hello to a little girl standing in front of us. The girl retreated to her caregiver, who said, “Stranger danger.” A month later, I entered an elevator occupied by a girl, accompanied by two adults. The girl looked at me, and I said hello. The shy girl turned toward the adults, and the mom said, “Stranger danger.”
In these cases, the adults were well-intentioned but likely unaware that 90+% of abusers are parents or trusted adults. It is not the guy in the windowless van on the street corner enticing our children with candy. Virtually all abusers have relatively easy access to their victims: parents, relatives, coaches, teachers, pastors, and club leaders.
Should this be surprising? Less than 20% of murder victims are killed by a stranger. While neither our children nor we should walk down dark alleys at night, the more imminent danger is from someone we know.
You know a victim of child abuse, even if you are unaware of the abuse. Definitions of abuse (neglect, physical, and sexual) vary, but a conservative estimate is that at least 15% of our children suffer abuse (historically underreported and covered up). Some key statistics: (i) over 75% of abuse is neglect, (ii) over 75% of abusers are parents or primary caregivers, (iii) girls are abused at a slightly higher rate than boys, and (iv) only .2% of cases are related to sex trafficking (narrowly defined).
Protection
The most effective form of protection is maintaining a close connection with your children. Just as a lion picks out the wildebeest separated from its herd, child abusers search for the disconnected. A child predator is unlikely to select the child whose parents are watching basketball practice, attending parent/teacher conferences, or present at family gatherings.
However, a growing form of stranger danger exists online. The internet predator is not physically constrained; he can enter your children’s bedroom without opening a door or window. The online deviant can also be in more than one place at a time; he can fish for a hundred victims simultaneously.
Bottom Line
Attentive concern, not misplaced fear or irrational reactions, is the answer. You do not need to cage your children or rebuff a kindly stranger’s greeting. Knowing you can get into a fatal accident does not stop you from driving a car, but it keeps your seatbelt buckled and makes you vigilant when facing oncoming traffic.
Since I cannot fully inform you in 600 words, I urge you to learn more using these CDC, CACCC, and online protection resources.
_________________________________________________
Safety starts with connection.
