…Gratitude
This trite saying, gets on my nerves like fingernails scraping on a chalkboard (someone send me the contemporary equivalent), especially when I want to wallow in misery.
At the same time, whether it is correlation or causation, practicing gratitude is like a magic elixir. Gratitude practitioners are psychologically and physically healthier: more optimistic, sleep better, accomplish more, have higher self-esteem, and better able to form relationships than ungrateful people.
Whatever For?
When we experience a reversal, well-intentioned people tell us to think about how much better off we are than those less fortunate. Our thoughts initially turn toward our possessions – the roof over our heads, a fully stocked cupboard, and a self-driving car.
The comparison with the “less” fortunate is not what we have that they do not, but what they have that we do not. Not so remarkably, many who have far less materially possess far more happiness than we do. The less fortunate teach us that they find joy in appreciating the things we forget too easily.
Last year, I told the story of the paisans in my dad’s hometown of Forino, Italy. Their joyful dispositions indicate that gratitude prevails over poor circumstances, and focusing on the right circumstances fosters gratitude.
While those in wealthier nations report higher satisfaction, a peek into the numbers reveals that countries with similar per capita Gross Domestic Product have very different levels of happiness. You do not need a fancy study to know that many poor people are rich in joy and that many rich people are full of misery.
What about the Troubles?
Optimists saying, “At least something good came from it,” suggests attributing positivity to a tragic circumstance. Looking at everything as a gift is beyond my ability, but I am thankful for positive responses.
I cannot find anything good in the KKK’s horrific crimes, the vicious counterprotests during the Civil Rights Movement, and Dylan Roof’s slaughter of black worshippers at a church. However, I am grateful detestable acts spur strong reactions, contrary to what the bad actors intended. Murdering four girls in a church fire and television images of fire hoses turned on peaceful marchers galvanized support for civil rights. South Carolina removed the Confederate flag from the state capital (and many other things) in response to the church massacre.
By separating the catalyzing event from its byproduct, we can be thankful for the support of civil rights without ever appreciating the despicable acts.
How to Cultivate?
Our default practice is prospective – grateful once the love, job, or something we desire arrives or when our bank account is replenished, we are relieved of illness or another thorn in our side. However, you cannot receive the fruits of gratitude practices by starting when the need arises any more than you can begin training the day of the marathon.
Gratitude is a muscle built by consistent, intentional practices. At the core of these practices is setting aside time to contemplate what you are grateful for and memorialize them (a journal, pictures, etc.).
Sometimes, shifting your perspective from “have to do” to “get to do” reveals that burdens are also benefits. Picking up the Mother’s Day dinner tab for your ne’er-do-well siblings is infuriating until you see the joy on your mother’s face because the family is celebrating together. You appreciate having the financial resources to facilitate the experience.
Practicing gratitude during particularly challenging times requires gritting your teeth because it may not bring the desired relief (it may even further frustrate you by requiring you to think positively). Still, the practice provides strength to persevere and prevents you from sinking into deeper despair.
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Give thanks for the good times and in the bad times, and you will understand that gratitude is not for all circumstances but can be present despite any circumstance.
