Obviously, mentorship is a subject near and dear to me. I have benefited so much that I cannot help but share my experiences.
Last week, I forgot to mention one important reason not to provide an answer, no matter how good it may be. Consider a mentee’s higher confidence in and commitment to decisions they make with your guidance rather than at your direction. No matter our age, we do not like being told what to do.
Hunt or Harvest?
How do you capture this elusive being called a mentor? You do not corral the ideal candidate by slinging a spear through an unsolicited LinkedIn message. You are likely to miss and scare them back into the jungle. Mentorships are relationships that require cultivation.
Sow a seed with a suitable person (good judgment, candid, and trustworthy) with whom you have some connection by asking for guidance on a particular issue, not your entire life story. Even people with clogged calendars will respond to an appropriate, earnest request. If you act responsibly (guidance here) during your first interaction, you will spark the mentor’s interest in continuing.
Mentee Expectations
Mentees should carefully consider the guidance provided or revealed, use what they believe is valuable, and discard the remainder. Mentors need not be followed like orchestra leaders, but will lose interest if you do not apply what you learn.
During a mentoring session, a mentee developed a plan for growing his business. At the next meeting, he reported that he had not taken any action. I asked if he encountered any new learnings or obstacles that required altering the plan. He responded negatively. In the most kind and direct way possible, I told him not to call me again until he acted. When we met last week, he immediately presented his list of accomplishments.
Mentees should also seek the consistent interaction the relationship needs; you cannot pick up where you left off like you can with your high school classmates. I “insist” on monthly meetings. Occasional get-togethers cannot yield the compound benefits of regular interaction. Your high school reunion buddies provide good cheer, but not the crucial support your monthly lunch “dates” do.
Mentor Expectations
A mentor’s compensation is the feeling you had when you let go of your daughter’s bicycle seat and saw her pedal down the street for the first time. It is not always easy. One of my mentors suffered from too much of my whining. I consoled him by telling him that what his position lacked in compensation, it made up for in misery.
Paying it forward evidences appreciation for those who took an interest in you and helped accelerate your progress. Mentors also benefit when they take a mentee through a problem-solving exercise. A mentee’s issue with his colleagues or spouse undoubtedly has some relevance to his mentor’s relationships.
Always Needed
You would like to think that you can reach an age and level of wisdom where mentorship is no longer needed. You do not, and mentorship remains the solution. While I may not have the problems of youth, I still need clarity. A couple of years ago, my mentors guided me through a maze of options until it was clear that I needed and wanted to write.
I have the good fortune of several reciprocal mentoring relationships that blur the lines of friendship. After the “NOT Friends with Benefits” post, someone wrote to ask if we were friends or mentors. I stifled further discussion by asking if he was suggesting that we are “friends with benefits.”
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I trust my messages have shown the value of mentorship, and I do not need to tell you, in a non-mentor-like way, to pursue it. Mentorship brings you to places you cannot go alone.
